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Saturday, April 25, 2009

Why my blog is entitled "Therapy Home"?

"The power of love is transforming. It can help others replace their problems with possibilities, change their tears to smiles, and turn their despair to joy"

Foremost, my apology to all viewers for not posting/publishing articles and being updates for quite a while. I was held back with something rather personal. I needed a break very badly!

So today, I will try to publish something concerning the title of my blog "Therapy Home". Part of the reasons as to why the title of my blog is such was written in my first post. You can just click Therapy Home to get to my first page to read this post. I needed therapy for myself after going through too many bad experiences in life. My blog is my therapy. Surprisingly, even in this situation I still have the strength rescuing and taking good care of some abandoned cats and my cats! I've made a very drastic decision shifting from Kuala Lumpur (the capital city) to Marang, Terengganu, a very small resort town in the East-Coast of Malaysia to be near the beautiful blue ocean and "Angullia Beach House Resort" owned by my brother-in-law to start a new life and to be at peace after the death of my mum in Feb 2006 and to try to forget all the bad experiences I've encountered. One of my brothers whom my mum had put a trust to transfer the property, the house I was living in with my late mum and another unmarried brother for many years to our names never happened. Instead, he sold the house, divided and shared the money with all family members, even to those who are already established and those who have no concern and dealing with the house. This house was not a family property belonging to my parent, this house was bought for my mum using my first brother's name and so happened I am not married and was living there all along, so I helped to contribute paying most of the instalments. By right, it does not even concern them, they have their own homes. That was one of the reasons why my late mum requested my second brother to transfer the property to my name and another unmarried brother's name so that we could still continue living there when she is gone.

During my early days working in the capital city when we got this house, we just used my first brother's name and I was paying for the instalments and only 1/3 0f the payment was from my late mum and the rest from me. When I lost my job my younger sister continued paying and my second brother top up the last balance. But I believe combined all I was the one who contributed the most. Yet I was planning to buy another home for myself to be on my own. Luck was on my side, the apartment I purchased after paying 10% of the instalment fee, there were many delays to continue the project and finally it was abandoned and I was forced to continue staying with my mum and continuing paying the instalments there and paying interest on my abandoned apartment based on the 10% for many years to the bank. While living with my mum, there were so many outside interference from brothers and their spouses. Firstly, my third elder brother with his new wife (second wife) came to live with us and I was forced to shift to the room behind. There were many bad incidents which made me sick 'cause they used my mum on many occasions. As far as I can remember, they did not contribute anything while living with us. This brother of mine even wanted to hit me and sometimes I would seek refuge somewhere at that time and my regret now is that I should have rented a room somewhere. During that period of time, my youngest brother was very sick with kidney problem still in curable stage. I remember very clearly one night when I had a conversation/discussion concerning how to help my very ill brother, this new comer wanted to hit me. (My late mum and me went all out trying to get my youngest brother healed to the extent we even tried homoeopathy for him because he was on pills/some sort of drugs that have side effects). When I could not take it anymore that night, at midnight, I went out on my own, got a cab and went to sleep at my very sick youngest brother's bedside in the general hospital. The guard at the hospital allowed me in even after visiting hours because I regular there to check on this sick brother of mine.

You see, by nature I am a compassionate person with lots and lots of love to give and deliver but I was ill treated by my eldest brothers and their wives. They did not even noticed or discovered my goodness that I posses till today! What they could see was I was defensive and rebellious. If I am not a loving individual, I would not go through all the troubles helping some abandoned cats and kittens even I am really not qualified to do so since I am not rich and not living a very comfortable life myself. In fact, being alone, I can do wonders with all my time, yet I sacrifice most of my time doing this social work and I think those who have so much to give since they are established plus the government should play the role and look into the matter seriously to stop the birth of so many unwanted kittens and puppies to stop animal suffering once and for all, not me! And on the top of that, there are cases where certain family members and relative closed to me abused my hard earned money!

I do not like living in my past and keep remembering whatever bad and ill feelings I possess with me till today. I do prefer to forget all these and throw all the negative energies away once and for all but if I do not write here, I feel so betrayed and justice not done! If I do not put them in writing or throw them somewhere, these bad memories will keep on lingering off and on and the feeling of being abused is still on the top of my mind. I will only be free if I tap out all these bad memories and all my dissatisfaction, locked them up in this blog so as to get them completely out of my chest, my mind and my system even though I would not be disclosing all the details. At least I know that I am doing justice for myself even though it is just a silent cry of an abused mind! Thanks God, I think I have a strong will to move on with my life and always believe in myself and now very much aware there is no comfort in the truth! So now I must have faith in God, the Almighty, because only through him I can get the real love I needed.

Two brothers with their second wives and each couples stayed with my mum in this house on two different occasions. These people brought problems to mum especially my second brother's second wife. When she was staying with me during those days she did not cause much problem to me but I could see that she was using my mum. Since my mum loved her son so much, she just let her daughter-in-law used and toyed her around with all sorts of manipulations. This woman only started abusing my mind and caused lots and lots of problems to me after she has moved out from the house and when they were back visiting us.

There were so many ugly inside stories which I rather not elaborate here, perhaps one day if I feel like telling the whole world the trauma and bad incidents I experienced to ease my mind I will, because I feel like being hit and ran and could not take it as a good human being.

After receiving the EPF (Employment Provision Fund) for the first part in the year 2000, I immediately booked another apartment in a nice Golf Course areas in Shah Alam again planning to be on my own if not sooner, perhaps later. And it was this year I was advised and convinced by one of my closest nephews together with his sensible parent to join some share markets. At first I was so reluctant to do so 'cause it involved a big some of money. Since his parent was at my home to show their support for their son, I agreed because my nephew told me that his mum was not working and has to make and sell "Samosa puffs" and the father already retired. I forgot that they both were government servants and even if they are not working they are still receiving their monthly funds for their services. I've lost RM11,400.00 and later on my nephew approached me with his manager to my office asking for cash cheque amounting RM7,000.00. I trusted my nephew so much and by right he should be more careful and be responsible since he promised to take good care of it. So altogether RM 18,400.00 my hard earned money was abused. To be honest, I did not really need to buy this so called share, my intention was to help him get his commission after he sounded so convincing and with the back up and support by both his parent. When thing went wrong, I finally did not received any feedback and was left wondering on my own. In the end, all of them were avoiding me and when I requested to make a police report on the so called manager since according to my nephew, his manager disappeared with my cash, they put on a deaf ear and refused to entertain me.

There will be more posts on my bad experiences and as and when I feel like continuing posting them I will, otherwise, I will be posting on other topics.

I pray and hope that God, the all Mighty has mercy on me and will always be with me to give me guidance and strength in order to be able to succeed in whatever I am doing for a living these days and to enable me to continue taking good care and feeding all the 30 cats (mine and rescued cats) and the remaining one kitten. I will try to give away some rescued cats after giving them treatments, love and care only to good homes and responsible new owners. So far, I managed to give away only two rescued cats to good new owners.

Pic of one of my rescued cats - Silver
Silver was thrown in front of my apartment when I shifted to Casaria. He was just a tiny kitten, lost, hungry and frightened. I took good care of him and surprisingly he has grown to be so good looking cat and very big in size. I have a feeling he is from a good breed. The picture doesn't lie, just have a good look for yourself!

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